He asked to "fluff my boner.."
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
