ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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