tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
