You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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