im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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