My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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