i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
