Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
