yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
