I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
