I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
