so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
