We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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