I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
we're so committed to being not committed
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
