Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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