in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
