just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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