i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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