well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
