mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
