I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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