I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
