He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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