is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
