I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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