My hand turned me down
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
