My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
