Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
