she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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