Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
