Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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