mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
last night I used snow as a chaser
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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