if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
