Just took my morning after pill in the library
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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