The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
