Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
