Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
