Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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