Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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