Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Randomize
