im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
