i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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