singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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