Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
