i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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