So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
