I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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