P.S. I can't hear my feet
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize