she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
