I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
