Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
