Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
