Cold hands, warm shart.
I wanna bring you to show and tell
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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