Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize