suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
