It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
