Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize