1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
