I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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