I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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