remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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