maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
