I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
