oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
