I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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