you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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