Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize