So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
