So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
