We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize