i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
