there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just high enough for therapy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
