Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
