he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
