I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
