I could have mohawked her pubes.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
