somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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