I wish my penis had an off switch
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
