dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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