It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
