____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
