How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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