He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
