Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize