Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
