and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
