He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My life is pants optional.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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