If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
