I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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