So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize