you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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