I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
