That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
