If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
