So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
