finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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